


Steven couldn't do it anymore...

by Mother_Mortician



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, bad, part of story, please don't read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24659989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_Mortician/pseuds/Mother_Mortician
Summary: After turning turning into a monster, Steven fears it'll happen again, scared he'll hurt his loved ones. He decides the best option is to try to shatter Pink Diamond.(No death, just..close)(This is in relation to my story "Taking A Break In Gravity Falls")
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	Steven couldn't do it anymore...

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED. I REPEAT, DO NOT READ IF YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED  
> !TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> descriptions of self harm and attempted suicide and other bad thoughts. 
> 
> please don't read. Only if you're okay, should you read.  
> I'll feel like shit if this story hurts you. 
> 
> I'm sorry in advance..please forgive me.

After everything that happened, the first week was hardest for Steven. 

He felt like everyone was forced to be nice to him, because they were scared it’ll happen again. He felt worried he was going to change back into a monster, he couldn’t handle his feelings and hardly talked to anyone. 

He would say things but nothing personal. As much as he wanted to open up, it was all so fresh, it wasn’t easy. 

In the first week after everything happened, Connie spent the night. She held Steven, and he held her. As she slept with her head on Steven’s chest, his mind was wandering into dark places.

‘I shattered Jasper...I tried shattering white diamond...I crashed the car with my dad inside...it doesn’t matter that Jasper is fine now… it doesn’t change the fact that I did it...I’m problematic...I’m too strong...If I squeezed.. I could kill Connie.’

With that last thought he let go of her and went out to his garden.

His heart was racing. It felt like it was going to rip it’s way out of his chest. His vision was becoming more binocular. In his panic, he started brightly glowing pink.

“no no no no..I couldn’t hurt Connie…I-I-I wouldn’t k-kill her..”

But he could. 

He felt like he just couldn’t do it anymore. He was scared of himself, of what he could do, of what he had done.

What if his family wasn’t able to reach him? What if he stayed like that? Could he have shattered all of them? Garnet..Pearl...Amethyst…. He could have killed his dad...and Connie. 

He looked around for something. 

Anything. 

He found a small blade that Bismuth made for the garden. It was used more like a garden hoe, but it still had sharp edges. 

He placed it on his arm, and swiftly pulled it across, hoping it would break skin. 

He just healed. It’s like nothing happened. 

He tried several other places, his stomach, legs, neck… nothing. 

Then a horrible thought crossed his mind. 

He pulled his shirt up and aligned the blade. 

He stopped.  
“This is a bad idea…”  
not for the sake of what he was thinking of doing, but because he was thinking of using something Bismuth made to do this.. it would devastate her. He didn’t want her to hurt. 

He put down the blade and made a small shield. It was a small diamond, with sharp pointed edges. 

He resumed his position. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Connie had woken up when Steven had left the bed, she followed him up to the garden. 

She wasn’t too worried until she heard him scream. 

She ran to the garden, and found him staring at the floor, on his hand and knees. One hand holding onto himself. 

“Steven…?”

He wasn’t glowing pink, she worried that was the reason he left. The only reason he stopped glowing pink was because his gem was…

That relief went away as soon as he looked up.

He was crying, tears streaming from his eyes.Clutching his gem. He could feel th cracks under his fingers. 

“What are you doing…?” 

His hand clenched his gem, it felt like there was something loose. She hadn’t seen.

“I’m sorry Connie...,” he said as he looked back at the ground. He coughed and blood dropped from his mouth to the floor.

“Steven… what did you do… why are you bleeding?” She asked as she slowly approached him. Dreading the answer.

“I can’t do this anymore… I can’t... I can’t live with myself...I’m just going to end up hurting you...I just...I can’t risk that...I can’t….I just can’t do this…” 

She got down to hold him but he backed away, 

“I can’t.. I’ll hurt you....I…” and then he passed out, and fell on his side. Revealing what he had done. 

He had hit himself with all his strength … His gem was severely cracked, with one piece that fell onto the ground when he fell. 

Connie’s hands hovered over his body. Terrified. Hoping this was all a dream. When her hand touched his face, it all hit her. She started sobbing. 

Connie panicked “HEELPP!” she screamed into the cold night air. She kept screaming for help until Greg ran upstairs and the gems beamed in. The cacophony of pain and horror filled the air. 

Garnet wondered to herself how she didn’t see this happening..But she knew she had to act fast, before it’s too late. He’s still alive now but…

Connie’s shaking hands picked up the small shard as Garnet picked up Steven and placed him in the bathtub and started filling it with water. Amethyst ran to get the vials, only to find that they were all empty. Her and Pearl then ran to the galaxy warp, and went straight to get vials from the diamonds. They had all four diamond essences there. Luckily the room they were all in had a warp pad, so they were in an out pretty quickly.

They poured the Diamond liquids into the bath with Steven. They placed the small shard back in the spot it came from and there was a bright light. The gem had healed, and Steven started to stir, and wake up. He looked at his whole family, all with tears in their eyes, and his hand quickly went down to his gem. It was fixed. 

“Steven…” Greg said while reaching a hand to Steven’s should, He flinched before he could be touched. 

“Why… why did you save me…” Steven said as he looked at the water he was sitting in, his clothes soaking wet. 

Which prompted a look from everyone. A look of disbelief, a look of frustration, a look of pain. Bewilderment… 

‘How could he say that? Why would he think that it would be better without him?...’ was thought. 

“Because we love you Steven…” Garnet managed to say, despite the strain in her throat. 

“You shouldn’t…” 

“How can you say that?” Greg said with frustration, tears in his eyes. 

Steven looked up at Greg, shocked at his dad’s frustration. 

“I just...I’m bad… I can’t...live with myself anymore...I can’t…and I know you say you love me...and that you’re here for me but… you’re just here because if I get bad again...it'll be devastating for the city...or the world…” 

“Steven…” was all Connie could say. 

“Steven...we love you...we want to make sure you are okay because we want you to be okay...we don’t want you to feel the pain you felt before...it hurts us to see you like this..we care about you so much, Steven…” Greg said, fighting to get it all out, before he started crying. 

“Oh….” was all Steven could say before he started crying.

An hour passed, and he soon went back to sleep.

Since that happened they slept in the living room downstairs more often. Soon he got more and more comfortable. He started sleeping downstairs with everyone, like a slumber party. When he would have nightmares his family was there for him. 

Once he started seeing a therapist, and opening up about everything, he was finally able to face his issues.However, facing the problems is just one step.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god please forgive me. As someone who had/has depression, and knowing a lot of people who have mental health issues, I'm sure if they had turned into a giant monster they would do something like this...sorry again..
> 
> National Suicide prevention Hotline.  
> US. 1-800-273-8255


End file.
